The Door to Nowhere
could just have easily been named the door to everywhere, but as children, we tended to think what could be contained, looked out from, was the point of reference. Our home was anything but safe. Loaded guns lurked in nightstand drawers, pornography was coffee table art, and we were too young to be left alone as often as we were. To pass the time, we wrote the names of rock bands on our school folders, copied from my father’s album collection. We took turns lying on our stomachs in front of the milk crate where the records were alphabetized, our heads cocked to read the vertical lettering. If we felt brave, we would slide the cover out, never removing it all the way because we were certain our father would know. Even if we could put it back in the correct slot, some dust-smear or fingerprint would reveal our disobedience, the crossing of the imaginary line between permitted and forbidden, a line that shifted or vanished entirely at t