As Far As I'm Concerned

As far as I’m concerned,

I told you I was gay

When I bit Barbie’s head off

 

As far as I’m concerned,

I told you I was gay when

I stole Jim’s racecar pajamas

And wore them underneath

 

As far as I’m concerned

The baseball cap

I wore from ages five to fourteen

Was one of the many ways I told you

I was gay

 

When I refused to wear the top

To my bathing suits

I was telling you

 

When I insisted on swigging soda

From the bottle

So it looked more like your beer

I was clearly telling you I was gay

 

When I wore a sweatshirt

Over 2 t-shirts

With a mustard stain on each of them

I was telling you

 

When you teased me about wanting

To marry Joe Namath

And I said, no, I wanted to be Joe Namath

I was telling you

When I asked you to call me “Sport” instead of “Sweetheart’”

I was telling you

When I wiped my mouth on my sleeve

Shoved my hands in my pockets

Practiced spitting, grunting

And peeing while standing

I was telling you

 

The time I begged for authentic cowboy boots

The black watch plaid flannel shirt from LL Bean

The Brooks Brothers’ navy blazer

With the secret inside pockets

I was telling you

 

When I dressed all in black

And put grease on my face

And practiced crawling beneath beds

(pretending they were barbed wire)

Simulating the POW’s in Hogan’s Heroes

I was telling you

 

When I tried out for solo on

“When you’re a Jet you’re

A Jet all the way from your first

Cigarette to your last dying day”

Instead of “Tonight”

I was telling you

 

When I wanted the orange 10 speed

The GI Joes

The Erector Set

The Walkie Talkies

The Boxing Gloves

The Sling Shot

The Daisy Rifle

I was telling you

 

When I stole your shaving cream

I was telling you

 

When aunt roberta said I “walk

Like Bucky Dent” and I said ‘Thanks!”

I was telling you

 

So when you were laying there

Finally dying and I didn’t

Start explaining how I prefer to have sex

And with whom I hope you realized

It’s not like I never told you

--Jennifer Brooke